So if you don't want to hear me go crazy..don't read on. But I just need too. And sometimes...well sometimes I just don't know what to do. My heart is racing, my hands are sweating. I'm trying not to let him get to me. I'm praying that God calms me down..and help me through this. So this is the way I need to do this right now.
Kaden's father and I are not on good terms. We have not been for a long time. He has very limited involvement in Kadens life. Seeing him for maybe 12 hours every four weeks...IF even that. he lives 3 1/2 hours away. Kaden doesn't WANT to go to his Dad's. He's made comments that he's not comfortable with his Dad as he "doesn't know about his life." More than once I've made a 1 1/2 hour trek with a crying boy in the back seat. Thank goodness it doesn't happen often. On our last trip...his father had asked me to sign a paper giving him the right to claim Kaden on his taxes until the year 2027 or some crazy year. I didn't sign it...as I wanted my sister to look at it. See a year ago..when we FINALLY got a child support order we needed to go back to court a second time. I asked why...no one seemed to know. When we arrived I found out it was because he wanted to claim Kaden on his taxes ALWAYS. The judge sided with him saying he made a substantial amount more than I did. I was dumbfounded. I am raising this child...all alone. Why should he get to claim him? It makes no sense to me at all. But..what can I do. So now I have started this new job and am making more money. Anyway...back up a bit.
The last time I took Kaden to meet his Dad..I didnt' have the signed paper. Because I didn't...his father...shoved Kaden back in his car seat, slammed the door in his face, and took off! This was the end of December. SENSE then I have refused to take Kaden there to meet him. I have told him if he wants to see him he can come here. His father lives in town...and he can take him there. I am so finished with his games. So FINISHED. So of course now...I am keeping him from his son. He has threatened court time and time and time again. WE dont' have an official custody arrangement. Apparently now...we need to go to court to get one. He has said he's come up with agreement after agreement and I haven't agreed to any of them. I have told him time and time again if we want to sit down together and come up with something I am all for it. However he chooses to go and have these agreements done up on his own...and thinks I should agree to what he wants. I've told him...ain't gonna work that way...we do it together. I do not trust him as far as I can throw him.
So the other day we were working back and forth on something. Apparently he wont agree to the tax situation. Oh...also per our previous order...if he is in arrears on the child support he can't claim Kaden. As of the end of December he was $400 in arrears. So..I should be able to claim him. Now he's saying he gave me money previously so he shouldn't be in arrears. He DID give me money...but it was prior to the legal agreement being in affect. I've told him he can claim him this year...I just want us to start every other year next year. He won't agree to this. DESPITE that he gets to see his son all he wants which is what he "claims" I don't allow!!!
I am just so sick of this. I am so sick of his claims, and threats. He sent me a email today telling me he needed to have the deputies serve me, so he needed to know when I am home or he will have to "serve me at work. How would I like that?" He's done this before...in California!!! It's his style...you know..lets embarrass her! I try not to hate..hate takes so much effort. But it's so hard not to.
What kills me is for years I'd held on to this farce of a relationship FOR Kaden...IN hopes he'd finally be a real father to him. It wasn't until Kaden started making comments...and mind you NOT because he's heard me say anything..although his father would claim I do. That I realized..Kaden is fine. He's happy, he's smart, he's well adjusted, he's an amazing child. AND he's become all this without this man in his life. So really Katie..just what are you waiting for??? I'm moving forward with my life. I love my life...my kids, my job..and I'm learning to love myself.
Any advise, words of wisdom, your own experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening. It has helped to type this out. I think my hands have stopped shaking...lol!!!