What could they be talking about?

What could they be talking about?

Never allow the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game!

Babe Ruth

Saturday, January 28, 2012

I need to vent..

So if you don't want to hear me go crazy..don't read on.  But I just need too.  And sometimes...well sometimes I just don't know what to do.  My heart is racing, my hands are sweating. I'm trying not to let him get to me.  I'm praying that God calms me down..and help me through this.  So this is the way I need to do this right now. 

Kaden's father and I are not on good terms.  We have not been for a long time.  He has very limited involvement in Kadens life.  Seeing him for maybe 12 hours every four weeks...IF even that.  he lives 3 1/2 hours away.  Kaden doesn't WANT to go to his Dad's.  He's made comments that he's not comfortable with his Dad as he "doesn't know about his life."  More than once I've made a 1 1/2 hour trek with a crying boy in the back seat.  Thank goodness it doesn't happen often.  On our last trip...his father had asked me to sign a paper giving him the right to claim Kaden on his taxes until the year 2027 or some crazy year.  I didn't sign it...as I wanted my sister to look at it.  See a year ago..when we FINALLY got a child support order we needed to go back to court a second time.  I asked why...no one seemed to know.  When we arrived I found out it was because he wanted to claim Kaden on his taxes ALWAYS.  The judge sided with him saying he made a substantial amount more than I did.  I was dumbfounded.  I am raising this child...all alone.  Why should he get to claim him?  It makes no sense to me at all.  But..what can I do.  So now I have started this new job and am making more money.  Anyway...back up a bit. 

The last time I took Kaden to meet his Dad..I didnt' have the signed paper.  Because I didn't...his father...shoved Kaden back in his car seat, slammed the door in his face, and took off!  This was the end of December.  SENSE then I have refused to take Kaden there to meet him.  I have told him if he wants to see him he can come here.  His father lives in town...and he can take him there.  I am so finished with his games.  So FINISHED.  So of course now...I am keeping him from his son.  He has threatened court time and time and time again.  WE dont' have an official custody arrangement.  Apparently now...we need to go to court to get one.  He has said he's come up with agreement after agreement and I haven't agreed to any of them.  I have told him time and time again if we want to sit down together and come up with something I am all for it.  However he chooses to go and have these agreements done up on his own...and thinks I should agree to what he wants.  I've told him...ain't gonna work that way...we do it together.  I do not trust him as far as I can throw him. 

So the other day we were working back and forth on something.  Apparently he wont agree to the tax situation.  Oh...also per our previous order...if he is in arrears on the child support he can't claim Kaden.  As of the end of December he was $400 in arrears.  So..I should be able to claim him.  Now he's saying he gave me money previously so he shouldn't be in arrears. He DID give me money...but it was prior to the legal agreement being in affect.   I've told him he can claim him this year...I just want us to start every other year next year.  He won't agree to this.  DESPITE that he gets to see his son all he wants which is what he "claims" I don't allow!!!   

I am just so sick of this.   I am so sick of his claims, and threats.  He sent me a email today telling me he needed to have the deputies serve me, so he needed to know when I am home or he will have to "serve me at work.  How would I like that?"  He's done this before...in California!!!  It's his style...you know..lets embarrass her!  I try not to hate..hate takes so much effort.  But it's so hard not to. 

What kills me is for years I'd held on to this farce of a relationship FOR Kaden...IN hopes he'd finally be a real father to him.  It wasn't until Kaden started making comments...and mind you NOT because he's heard me say anything..although his father would claim I do.  That I realized..Kaden is fine.  He's happy, he's smart, he's well adjusted, he's an amazing child.  AND he's become all this without this man in his life.  So really Katie..just what are you waiting for???  I'm moving forward with my life.  I love my life...my kids, my job..and I'm learning to love myself. 

Any advise, words of wisdom, your own experiences would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks for listening.  It has helped to type this out.  I think my hands have stopped shaking...lol!!!


  1. I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this. I can't imagine. You just have to keep reminding yourself that as long as you keep doing whats best for Kaden that's all that really matters.

  2. I would say..do not respond to his emails and threats. Get a good lawyer to do that for you. A gal cannot move on while she is being held hostage. Don't 2nd guess yourself. The Friend of the Court should be advocating for you also-make them do their job. Good luck & be strong! ~*~Lisa

  3. Oh Katie, I'm so sorry you have to go through all of that. Doesn't he realise that he's not only hurting you he is hurting Kaden. My Grandkids go through that stuff with their real father and he is always taking my DL to court (which is very costly) and sometimes I think the courts don't always have the children in their best interest either.
    Don't let this get between your hopes and dreams. I will be thinking about you and I hope you find the strength to get through this.
    Prim Blessings

  4. Oh dear, this is so hard for you! My heart is breaking that you're going through this. My advice would be to see what kind of services the county offers (being a single mom, you need all the help you can get). You definitely need an official advocate on your side, whether it's an attorney or a social services official. Court battles are awfully expensive.

    As for the tax issue, please don't sign those rights away. I'm at a loss as to why the judge would side with an absentee father on an issue like this. You should absolutely fight for your rights on this.

    You might want to start documenting everything that goes on between you (time, date, what was said, copies of emails, recordings of voicemail messages, etc.) so that when you do go to court you have a record of his actions. That would go a long way towards supporting your claims in court.

    People can get so nasty when it comes to money, because that's what it sounds like this is really about for Kaden's father: the money, not the child. YOU are your child's advocate, and Kaden and his well-being are what you are fighting for. Make sure the court sees that.

    Big hugs,

  5. I don't think he will fight you on the custody issue,he already doesn't have time to see his son now.You are most certainly not denying him time just not willing to drive.I agree try to get legal aide.Don't sign your tax rights away either you pay just as much or more as he does to raise Kaden you are the one with custody you should be getting the taxes.Save that email sounds like harrassment to me.I'm sorry you are going through this.I'm sure this is his way of controlling you.It takes 2 to make a baby but most men don't understand that once the relationship ends.Kaden has your other boys as male firgures he'll adjust just fine.Big Hugs!~Amy

  6. Oh Katie, this can't be happening. I think he's seeing just how far he can push you. Well, you are strong and smart and a Mother Bear. It's so hard to be the bigger one and you are doing a great job. Just keep your head up high and praying. -Steph-

    You do not need this, nor does Kaden.

  8. So sorry to hear that you are going through this! I can't give you much advise, since right now I am going through a situation with my youngest sons Father. Grrr! MEN!! They can sure make it hard on us, can't they!
    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Take Care1

  9. This is not easy. Been there & I am on the verge of it again. I had to fight to get support for my two oldest years ago . I got $15.50 a week for two kids when he paid. Threats taking the kids & keeping them from me. Weeks ago my soon to be second X started the same thing. Was tired of being tied down to a wife kids & bills after near 20 years. He really dose not want the kids we have nor really has anything to do with them. Of course it's all my fault according to him. Says he can't afford child support so he plans to make my life miserable. Were having the same thing with the taxes. There not there so why should they benefit by using them as a deduction.Lifting a prayer for you & Kaden. Blessings!