Thursday, October 18, 2012
A wolf...in sheeps clothing...
Oh yes...I'm talking about this little lady. Miss Lucy Lu. The story starts like this....For the past 35 years we have had relatives come travel from "across the pond" to visit. My Great Grandfather's sister lived in England, so her family still comes to visit. My Mother, who is NOT an entertainer..called me to see if I'd host dinner on Sunday. She wanted me to make Granny Trace's amazing white chicken chili. Sooooo....after cleaning and cooking all weekend...my last and only concern was Lucy. She's STILL not completely potty trained. Which is a HUGE pain in MY butt!! So what to do with Lu when the guests arrive. How will she behave...ohhh please oh please Lucy be a good girl. AND a good girl she was. NOT!!!!!!!
First...she loves water...I turn the tub on and if I'm not watching her she's in it. However...let a few raindrops fall from the sky and God help us all she will die if she needs to go out to go potty. UGH...just what I need trying to get ready for company...and dog who won't pee outside...so we KNOW where she'll be peeing! Oh but wait...not her usual pee on my braided rug pee...THIS time...she decided to hop up on my $25 red plaid craigslist chair in the dining room and PEE on THAT!!!!! WHAT!!!!!! She has never ever done anything like that!!! So here I am...in the midst of all my preparation....frantically searching the internet for ways to get the dog pee smell out of furniture. Just for the record....Febreeze only hides the scent for awhile...the adds are NOT true!!! $#&^ Dog!
Ok...I manage to make the house smell quite lovely with all my candles and melters going....an entire bottle of febreeze, and a pumpkin pie baking. Crisis averted....
UNTIL....the guests have arrived, dinner is eaten and enjoyed...we are sitting around the table chatting...I look for some reason at the floor under the table and.......OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN...there is a dog terd RIGHT under the lovely English woman's foot!!!!! If she puts her foot down she's stepping in it. OMG OMG OMG>..what do I do...how do I get THAT....OHHHH THAT DOGGGG.....Oh yes...the bone...theirs a bone....I try to nonchalantly sweep under the table...wait...wait...oh yes...that's HER...MY MOTHER..."Katie WHAT are you DOING!" Excuse me..but at this time I wanted to smuck her upside the head and say SHUT UP! I know...rude. But really...I'm going for inconspicuous here! I sweetly say...oh I don't want anyone stepping on the bone...sweep up the dog terd in my BARE hand...and think...ok, now what do I do with this!!!! Simple...excuse myself to the bathroom...flush...and wash...VERY VERY well! OMG! Dead Dog!
Ok...we survived...or did we???? As you all know Kaden is my fellow decorator. Welll....Kaden needs to show everyone his room. so we all head upstairs. We see Kaden's room...and next stop...my room...however Lucy has beaten us there. And....wait for it.....decided the best place to pee would be ON MY BED! OMG>>>>>>>again...she has NEVER done this before! WHAT is going on. They are all coming to my room next....omg omg...what's a girl to do..BUT sweetly fold her hands behind her back, place them strategically over the PEE...and lean back on her bed...OMG. My hands are not sitting in dog pee...and its soaking into my bed! DEAD DOG!!!!!! Yes..yes this is my room, yes yes its lovely...now move on PEOPLE!!!! As they leave the room...I grab a candlestick off my bedside table...stick it under the quilt so it's off the bed...check the sheets..dry..ok, didn't soak through. OMG!!!!!!!!
The remaining visit was dog doodoo free. Lucy is still alive. Just in case anyone was wondering!
Posted by alltheseboys at 2:34 PM